The Unashamed Introvertish Girl Blog

Think of the most ghetto name you’ve ever heard. Now think of why you think it’s ghetto.

Who makes the rules? Who gets to decide what constitutes civil culture and what does not? For far too long, African Americans have looked at themselves through this dystopian lens that I believe lingers from an earlier time.

Your hair is not unruly. It’s fluffy, like a cloud. The way you talk is not improper. It’s a dialect, an ethnic variation of standard English. Your name is not ghetto. It’s the result of your parents’ creativity, their courage in a world where so many are afraid to be different.

Far too often, being your best, when you’re black means hiding or erasing critical parts of your culture. We are told to speak in a more widely recognized and accepted style when going for interviews. Our hair must be straightened during formal events, because there’s just something about tight curls that is unceremonious. (Don't get me wrong. I love my straightened hair, but I also love my afro-textured hair.)

When some of us rise above the systemic issues that affect our local communities, we are encouraged to run away and never look back. I understand that for some, this is truly a life or death situation, and I’m not talking about you, if that's your circumstance. However, if you can, why not reach back and help. We all have something that can help someone younger or less experienced in some way.

Of course, over the past few years, this type of thinking has significantly decreased and we are in a period of increased cultural discovery, thoughtfulness and appreciation, but let’s not stop there. Let’s keep going until all the little aspects of our culture that are viewed as negative are examined and seen for what they truly are.

Stop seeing negativity where there is cultural beauty. Do not look down on your cultural riches. Have a high regard for them and wear them like a crown.

Retrain your brain to see yourself the way God does.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

And that my soul knows very well.

~Psalm 139:14

Any thoughts? Share them below.

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A thick streak of purplish gold beat diagonally down on my forehead as I took the last large leap off a bulky yellow school bus into a sea of red shirts and brown faces. It was August in Prince George’s County and my very first day of public school.

Amid daps, playful teenage chatter “what’s goods”and exhilirating reunions I took a two second pause to take in my new reality. My cinematic moment was interupted by a familiar face in a blue dress. It was my mom.

Just a few months prior, my family and I were bombarded with horror stories, about the local public schools. I’ll never forget the widened pupils, gasps and glares of saddness that I got in return for telling people that I was going to a public high school, and not just any public high school, but Suitland High School, what many considered one of the biggest, baddest schools in PG County.

After squeezing through the crowd and recognizing a few familiar faces from here and there, I stepped into not just a school, but an awakening experience that would change how I viewed the world forever, one of the DMV’s best kept secrets.

As I got acclimated into my new life, I developed a second pulse. For the first time, I felt the true rythm of the DMV beating in my heart, and developed a fresh, new love for my community.

It was like a veil was torn, a barrier was broken. I was given access to another level of self-awareness that I never knew I was missing. Going to a school that beared the name of the city I’m from, Suitland, located on the PG/DC line, exposed me to the people around me, the ones I saw everyday They were no longer strangers, but schoolmates. The world became a lot smaller, and a lot more exciting.

I had experienced local culture in a way that I never had. Dialect, motivation, belief systems, music, all of it, was right there, all in one. I had a front row seat, and like always, I took it all in.

I joined clubs which gave me a full experience, landed me in parades, groomed me into a leader and allowed me to recycle my time right back into the community where I lived. I was accepted into the rigorous IB Program which offered a college-level curricula with global insights.

As the years went by, I reflected on the words that people told me before I arrived, and they were nothing like what I had experienced.

People define “cultured” as those who have traveled the world and have no less than a six figure income, and yes, I guess you can say that’s true. But as a result of this experience, I too consider myself cultured. The DMV culture, which we should indeed acknowledge as a culture, is very strong, and greatly admired, if you haven’t noticed.

At Suitland High School, I was immersed into this culture and saw many shades of Black excellence from Gates-Milleniam scholars to Juilliard-admitted classical singers.

Obvious, like every institution there were imperfections, but the bringht light from the excellence outshined it all. The force from the strong, unified Black culture at my more than 90% black school outweighed it.

Ever since then, I’ve been left with the two contrasting elements inside of me, what I heard versus what I experienced. As you just read, it didn’t quite match.

Every so often, in one way or another, through words and actions, I hear that early narrative, from those who have not been able to experience what I experienced. And then there’s the good memories, that make me smile, the ones I’ll never forget, the excellence that I still wear to this day.

Of course you know I had to take a side. The side of what I saw, what I experienced. The debate, still very much alive in me has spilled over into my choice of profession, mass communication, because this messages needs to be heard.

During my undergraduate years at Towson University, it slowly worked its way into my conversations, creeped into my research papers, slid into my presentations and now here it is, again.

Today it remains my motivation as I pursue a graduate degree at Georgetown University with a community-centered end goal in mind.

It just won’t go away because this dystopian view of Black Culture, internally and externally still exists. And I exist to change that.

This is Back Home, The Culture Series.

"But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

~1 Samuel 16:7

*Stay tuned for a surprise at the end of this series*

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I don't even know how to start this post. When I learned this lesson, it was far from poetic. But, I won’t get into that.

Instead I want to make a sharp left turn, to Luke 6. Stick with me, if you will.

27 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29 To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. 31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

~Luke 6:27-31

Subtract the rage you experience from being agitated. Fan away all the smoke that comes from your ears and blocks your vision when you’re mad, and what you’ll see is a hurting person, with a broken heart.

Think about what drives nations to go to war with one another. It can be a proactive defense measure or a gluttonous desire for more. Think about how you feel on your best days, content, full and maybe even a little more generous than usual.

But for some, unfortunately on their worst days, peace, they believe, can only be found in others’ sorrow. Some believe that in order to gain happiness, they have to take happiness from another. Some believe that in order to be secure, they have to snatch another person’s safety net.

This is not a diss track post, and I know that everyone that disagrees, dislikes or finds fault in someone is not out to get them. I am talking about those who intentionally set out to disgrace others.

Your enemies are hurting. Your enemies are in need. Your enemies are never as strong as you are. So like a fearful nation, they start releasing weapons…gossip, backhanded compliments, betrayal.

Understand that for those who don’t know that God has created each of us with worth, value and a unique purpose or for those who don’t believe it, your “perceived” joy, success, progression is a threat. In their minds, they’re at some type of disadvantage that doesn’t really exist.

So show them some love. Imagine how hurt you have to be to want to bring hurt on someone else. Before you let the enemy begin to grasp the reins of your mind like he is theirs, pause. Be slow to anger and think about what’s really in front of you.

I prayed about how to love people who mean me harm without actually getting harmed, and the image of the cross immediately came to mind. God told me not to worry about it, because ultimately, our lives are in His hands, like Jesus’ life was in His hand.

So basically, God has graced us with everything we need to love our enemies. Jesus’ enemies thought He was down for the count when He died, but little did they know, His life was in His Father’s hands.

That means there’s nothing they can do to take us out of the game, because God has given us the grace to stay in it. He has even given us the grace to go the extra mile and give to our enemies. That’s a lot of grace.

But you got it! Don’t forget it!

Let’s pray for one another:

That we never become each other's enemies, remembering that God's grace is sufficient.
That we realize where our enemies are coming from, the pain, the fear, the inadequacy they may feel, and give them what they really need, Christ's love.

P.S. No seriously, because I’m about to be tested on this again because of this post.

P.P.S. I am seriously working on the next series, and have been since the last time I said I was. As you can see, it’s taking a lot of work. Stay tuned!

With Love,

The Unashamed Introvertish* Girl

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The summer before college, I carefully pondered what I would major in. Wait, actually, that’s not fully accurate. I thought about it until I got a headache. I weighed the pros and cons of each of the career choices that bounced around in my head. I did hardcore Google research. I talked it over with loved ones, and I poured over my schools’ list of majors to the point where I started to memorize the descriptions of each, all while knowing deep down what I wanted to do.

Many students in this situation belong in a communications-oriented major. Not because you’re lazy, not because you’re confused, but because what you want to do cannot be limited to a single major choice. You most likely think very big and believe that you can change the world with the ideas floating around in your mind. You probably want to help people badly, but you just cannot pick which way to do it.

You may be a mass communication major.

Each school differs in its categorization of the communication major. My undergraduate university had both communication studies, which apparently deals with learning how to effectively communicate ideas in society and within groups for various reasons, and mass communication which was my major. Mass communication majors had the option to choose between one or more of three concentrations including Journalism/New Media, Public Relations and Advertising. My two were Journalism/New Media and Public Relations.

One of the greatest perks of being a mass communication major, in my opinion, was not having to limit myself to one area of study. As a mass communicator, you are constantly seeking to gain a thorough understanding of new subjects so that you can then share what you have learned with others. For a long time, I have thought of myself as a sort of teacher of the masses.

You will have to become well versed in different cultures, areas of study, and schools of thought, then find a way to effectively, concisely and creatively relay that information to specific groups of people. You will also have to stay abreast of current events and the latest modes of communication. It's definitely a major that will keep you on your toes, and it’s for anyone who absolutely loves learning.

Unfortunately, communications-oriented degrees are often looked down on in society as the opposite. They are stereotyped as too easy or unnecessary by those who do not understand them.

However, what many do not understand is the uncommon intelligence used in the field of mass communication. While quite a bit of what we do requires research and methodology, much of what we do is steeped in creativity. As a mass communicator, many times, you will have to tap into areas of intelligence unknown to man. This is what causes people to write the major off, fear of knowledge never before seen or skepticism because they do not yet know that it exists.

If you want to play if safe, then don’t pick a communications related degree.

This is for those brave enough to explore and implement ideas that have not yet even been discovered. It’s for those who have the strength to go on intellectual journeys to unknown spaces, the discipline to infuse formula, and the heart to share what they learn with others.

I am proud to have chosen this major, and have already began using it in various ways.

Some may also tell you that the pay is not adequate, but if you’re anything like I’ve guessed you are, then you probably don’t care. For communications majors, money is probably not the motive. For others, it may be, and I’m not judging them because of it. However, many mass communication majors are driven by a deep desire to make a difference in the world by learning how to use tools such as TV, radio, news publications, public relations programs, Ads, etc. to reach large groups of people with an important message. This means you are probably burning to say something, and it’s something good.

This is not to say that there aren’t lucrative opportunities within the field. That's also a huge myth. For some, higher salaries come after years of working. For many, within the first few years of working, your salary will be equal or nearly equal to those with stereotypically higher paying salaries. Some communications jobs even have salaries that start on the higher end.

Anyway, I think passion and drive to help others will override the focus on money, but it is good to know about salary so that you can determine what you want your life to look like financially. I recommend checking the Bureau of Labor Statistics website, typing in prospective jobs on indeed.com or simply googling to find starting, mid-career and end of career salaries.

Anyway, the choice is yours. My advice is to do what God lays on your heart no matter how unpopular the decision. You will probably feel it down on the inside if this is truly what you’re meant to do. Pray, discover your passion, then decide.

P.S. I’ve wanted to write this for the longest. I feel like this post has been building up in my mind over the past four years. If this helps someone you know who is contemplating whether or not to pursue a career in mass communications or anyone who would simply like to gain a greater perspective on the matter, feel free to send this to them. I really hope this helps.

With Love,

The Unashamed Introvertish * Girl

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On May 26, the cool breeze from the window beside my bed pushed through my thick curtains and hit my face, waking me up from a probably not so deep sleep.

It's almost like I went to sleep one night in August of 2013, woke up, and it was graduation day. That’s how quickly it seemed to go by. Anyway, I literally woke up thanking God that day. It was really early (according to college time). It was around 6:30 a.m. and graduation was at 3:30 p.m.

A few hours later, my family and I were on 295 headed to Baltimore County. I took it all in for the last time (until I visit again), like it was the first time, even though I had my eyes closed trying to take a nap on most of the trips back to Towson from home (it was almost like the first time).

When we finally got there, we stopped by my apartment for a few minutes to finish getting ready, met some family members, then parted ways, just like when I was dropped off four years ago.

The room was overflowing with hope, excitement and humble pride. We made it! Students chatted casually discussing future plans, strangers turned friends snapped photos and everyone anticipated 3:30, most with a stomachs half anxious and half enthusiastic.

After a quick line-up, then what seemed like a long waiting period (since my last name begins with ’S’) we were in the auditorium along with those who had supported our journeys and bid us farewell not too long ago.

The excitement and feelings of joy persisted throughout the ceremony and showed up in the form of claps, shouts and grins. By the end of the ceremony and throughout the rest of the next week, those cap and gown clad butterflies flew around in our stomachs. We rode cloud nine until the last stop.

Though my butterflies have flown away and transitioned from warm feelings to tangible ideas, and my clouds have disappeared into applicable actions, I am still excited.

I hope to always be excited.

A few days before graduation, I remembered that college is like a world inside of a world. As soon as we arrive we are inspired more than we ever have been and believe more than we ever have in our ability to change the world.

Complacency, a few no’s and exhaustion can easily wipe away this mindset. I want to encourage EVERY college student a part of the class of 2017 to stay excited. Staying excited means staying inspired.

Don’t give up on the vision that God has placed in your heart. Don’t give up on the people you have always wanted to impact, and don’t give up on yourself.

You did it these past few years and you can do it for the rest of your life. I truly believe in you and the power that God has placed within you.

Jeremiah 29:11 does not expire because you graduated. I wish you the best.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV)

Love,

The Unashamed Introvertish* Girl

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At this age, it is easy to get caught up in the busyness of life. There is so much going on from graduations to relocations to new jobs to new relationships to simply navigating adulthood. With all of these equally wonderful and time-consuming activities, it’s easy to forget why we are here.

Here’s how Jesus responded to a disciple who asked Him what the greatest command is in Matthew 22:36-40:

³⁶“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”

³⁷Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’^[a] ³⁸This is the first and great commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] ⁴⁰On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”

So we're basically here to love God and serve Him by serving others and showing them His love.

At the end of the day, it’s great to have accomplished a lot, but nothing beats doing what God placed us here on earth to do. None of what life has to offer fills us like doing what God tells us to do fills us either. Jesus was so satisfied with obeying God that he likened serving Him to eating which fills our physical bodies. He said:

³⁴Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work.

Many of us cling to our worldy successes and possessions because we believe that they are what gives us life and livelihood. However, what the world has to offer is nothing compared to what God has to offer.

This is not to say that we should look at our successes and materials in a negative light from here on out, but in the right context. The context of using them to serve God and His people. For example, we can use what we learn in school to help someone younger than us who may be having a hard time academically. We can use our new homes to host events for our church or community. We can use our Godly relationship to be an example to others who hope to one day be in our shoes. Proverbs 11:25 says:

The generous soul will be made rich,

And he who waters will also be watered himself.

God blesses us to bless others. Remember the young rich ruler who was desperate to serve God. God didn’t say he was a sinner for being blessed, instead he asked him to use his blessings to uplift the kingdom of God. Here's a little bit of how that convo went in Matthew 19:21:

²¹Jesus said to him, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

So in the process of going about life, being blessed and highly favored by a loving God, let us not forget the bigger picture, the whole reason why we’re here and for Whom we live.

I know. A lot of things are easier said than done. Let us pray, ask God to help us see our lives through His eyes, and have faith to live life the way He intended for it to be lived.

Let us stay in context.

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I have a confession to make. I don’t really officially know how to play dominoes. Whenever I had a pack, all I did was line them up and knock them down.

That’s how most people play, in the game and in real life. You’ve seen it before, one person starts yelling and arguing at another and then before you know it, they’re both yelling.

It’s like a domino effect. That same fleshly attribute that Person A has, through actions and/or agitation, attempts to influence Person B. This is not some huge, supernatural display that turns heads and shakes buildings.

This is quick, so quick that before we even notice it, we too have sinned and we have the same attitude as the person who we felt slighted us. Before we realize it, we have stepped outside of the Will of God.

Like dominoes, we have both fallen.

Some see this as natural, but it is very much spiritual. We have to remember that we have an opponent, and that he will use whatever, and whoever he can to get us to sin.

Be sober, be vigilant; because^[^a^] your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

~1 Peter 5:8

When we aren’t alert, and on our spiritual guard posts, then we are easily susceptible to his attacks. We must keep this in mind, but even more importantly, we should keep God’s Word in mind and in our hearts.

Taking in the Word of God makes us more focused on Him and filled with Him. Also, God will grant us discernment of good and evil if we simply ask Him. That way, we can easily and quickly sniff out when something comes in our presence, like a bad attitude or an unGodly option, that is not of Him.

The same thing happens with other forms of distraction. If we’re not filled, focused and aware, then we’re more susceptible to the enemy’s attacks.

The more time you spend with God, the more you will be able to discern what is and is not of Him.

May God grant us discernment on all matters.

⁹And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment, ¹⁰that you may approve the things that are excellent, that you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, ¹¹being filled with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.

~Philippians 1:9-11

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Due to my introverted nature, I never realized how hard it was to stand out from the crowd. I always just did, not flashily, but subtly. Something I recently realized on a deeper level is that standing out from the crowd, however, even for adults can be just a little bit scary.

It takes courage to be the one in a group with a different take, a different opinion or a different way of doing things. When we dare to be different, we risk being mocked, gossiped about, losing status and loosing friends.

Yet, we don’t lose anything that we don’t need. When we shrink ourselves to fit in, we relinquish all of the power embedded into our originality. We are no longer ourselves, we are a minimized version.

We are our most effective when we are true to ourselves. You may not be good at being him or her, but you are excellent at being you.

God took time out to make us uniquely. Psalm 139:14 says,

“I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;^[a]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.”

We have to trust God’s creative abilities and not be afraid of the backlash we may get for living for Him. When we hide who God has called us to be and the abilities He has given us, we are a minimized version of ourselves.

We may be afraid of our light shining too brightly, but that’s the way we were meant to be, so that people can know the Source of that light. Matthew 5:16 says,

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Jesus had no problem telling people that He was the Savior regardless of how many times those dang Pharisees tried to tell Him he wasn’t. If he never would have been fully who He was created to be, if He would have watered down His identity, then we would not have access to eternal life with God our Father.

In a similar manner, if we don’t let God’s light shine through us, then people won’t be able to see how powerful God is through our lives. The truth for all Christians is that being yourself is bigger than just you.

Being that our God is so intentional, there is always someone or many connected to us walking in our purpose. The same person who you’re trying to please by watering yourself down could be the same one that needs what God has uniquely placed within you to set them free.

So think about that when you think about getting lost in the crowd because of the unpredictable attention that being yourself may bring.

God has graced you with life-changing power. Whether or not you choose to use it is up to you.

“But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

~Romans 8:11

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I believe that God has called us to be good stewards over everything that He has given us. It is important for us to keep our spirits healthy by feeding them the Word of God, but it is also important to take care of the physical bodies that He has given us.

Our God is intentional, so we should not take Him blessing us with a body for granted. He did this for a reason. As young adults, we often view ourselves as invincible. We put our physical bodies through so much trusting that our young immune systems will be okay with any and everything.

Today I just want to talk a little bit about taking care of these physical vessels that He has given us. I also want to touch on keeping healthy the mind that He has given us. I am by no means a health professional and the information given is general, not specific to anyone’s particular health condition. It contains a few tips for staying healthy that I learned throughout my time in college.

The Body

1. Eat

No matter how busy we are, we should always make time to eat as many of the required meals as possible. When we do not eat, we lack the energy we need to make the most out of our days. When I eat before class, I am much more focused and ready to learn. I am not usually tired and fixated on whether or not I want a slice of pepperoni pizza or white pizza after class.

2. Eat Healthily

Not every food should be consumed regularly. We all know there are some foods and drinks that we should take in every once in a while, like coffees, sweet tea and donuts. And we also all know there are some foods and drinks that should be taken in regularly like fruits, vegetables and water.

3. Sleep

Sleep is so important. Without enough sleep we become less cognitively keen and cannot fully concentrate. I also read somewhere that a lack of sleep increases stress.

4. Remember Your Doctor’s Orders

Many of us have been prescribed certain vitamin supplements and/or medications by our doctors. Although we may feel fine and look great, we cannot always visibly see what is going on inside of our bodies. It is important for us to consume these prescribed materials until told otherwise for the best possible health.

5. Go to Your Doctor

It is important that we go for our routine check-ups and/or referrals to make sure that there are no unfavorable changes to our physical bodies. This goes along with the principle described above, just because we cannot see it or feel it, doesn’t mean it is not there.

The Brain

6. Schedule and Prioritize

A lot of times this is easier said than done, but even a general outline, whether it is written down, or just accounted for in our minds can reduce wasted time. We are a lot more likely to have productive days when we make lists of what we need to do. We also give ourselves more time for self-care.

7. Talk to Family and Friends

It’s good to have someone or a group to talk about your day, laugh, and release stress with. It is not mentally healthy to handle these types of things on your own. You will feel burdened and stressed. We should go to God with our problems first, but the Bible says we should also bear one another’s burdens.

8. Workout

Working out isn’t just good for losing weight. It has other physical and mental health benefits as well. It reduces the risks for heart disease, high blood pressure and many other illnesses. For me, it is yet another way to reduce stress. Also, similar to when I used to participate in sports, it gives me a sense of accomplishment to try new things and see progress.

The Body and the Brain

9. Keep God First

This is the best possible way to have a balanced life. God’s Holy Spirit will lead us and guide us into all truth. He will let us know when to stop, when to go, for how long, and how to do so. Listen to Him, and be the best version of yourself in every area of your life.

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

~Matthew 6:33

These are just a few tips that I have learned during my time in college. They seem pretty simple but are overlooked so often. I’m sure there are several more. Comment below if you have any! And remember, take care of your shell.

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